Forming community
I’ve always kind of operated as a solo unit. My pursuits and goals, up until this point, have largely been centered around myself: Finding habits and routines that I like, a career that I want, etc, etc.
That has slowly changed in the past year or so. The people that I have befriended and met here in New York City has forced me to come to terms with a hard truth: I don’t actually know how to exist among other people. I now have a semblance of a community, but I have no knowledge on what to do with these connections that have become so dear in my life. My old routine, although it has kept me sane, neglects those outside of myself. And that’s not an existence I want to have anymore.
So naturally, I needed to make a bit of an overhaul. That began with a series of questions: who am I in relation to other people? Or better yet, who do I want to be in relation to others?
Although it may seem like a straight-forward cookie-cutter thing to address, answering these has taken a lot of thought. Because you see, conventional society has limited options of what you can be. You’re either a friend, a coworker, a member of the nuclear family, or for some, religious congregations. But as someone who rarely follows conventions, I wasn’t satisfied with any of those options. There had to be more.
Through this process of finding alternate answers, I stumbled across the story of Lucy Diggs Slowe, a dean at Howard University, and Mary Powell Burrill,, a playwright and teacher. Both were African American women. Together, in 1922, they bought a house in Washington, D.C. (now called the Slowe-Burrill House.) And for 15 years, they hosted parties and gathering, making their home into a safe space for students, educators, and activists — many of which were young Black women — to exchange ideas and seek support, until Slowe’s death in 1937.
Slowe and Burrill had a deep and close relationship, as outlined in the book The Other Significant Others by Rhiana Cohen (a great eye-opening read.) And learning about it gave me a bit of a lightbulb moment: I wanted to be someone who gives back to the world a little bit. Someone who brings people together, so that they can find support and share their woes. Not only that, I also hope to surround myself with others who sees the value in those same goals.
It may be a lofty concept, and I’m not entirely sure what it’s going to look like yet. I’m aware this will take time. It may be possible that I’ll go years without much to show for, as many far better than me have tried. But to me, it’s a beautiful idea that feels worth the effort. We’ll see how it goes.